i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
