Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
