i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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