My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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