Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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