I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
