Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
