we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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