It was confusing and full of hummus
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
