i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
