Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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