I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
