I think scott just propositioned me for sex
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
