Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
