I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
