OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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