I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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