I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
