this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
