you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
