I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
