It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
