U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
