Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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