there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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