I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
