our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
