we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
