Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
