woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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