I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
