then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
