Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
