Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
