OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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