I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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