He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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