If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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