Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
