You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
