Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
