I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
