My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
