Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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