Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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