Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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