My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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