do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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