WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
