dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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