You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
