I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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