I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Girls should come with a carfax report
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
