I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
