just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
